You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I could fuck to npr.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
