I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
