It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
