You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
