yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
