it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
