My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
