the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
