I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
