my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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