I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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