Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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