I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize