Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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