Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
