i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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