so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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