Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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