I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
