And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?