he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
