as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.