I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD