I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit