Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.