no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
