i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
