Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
