So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
