No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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