I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
