We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize