she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
