I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
