you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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