You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
