I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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