stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
