I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
