My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
