Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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