i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
