I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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