On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
