Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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