I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
