i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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