I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
