I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
