remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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