Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
