Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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