i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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