dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i believe in u and ur pee
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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