So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we made out on top of his cat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
