I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
