I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
