I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
