where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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