I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
