So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize