I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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