Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Text me some of your sweat
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
