YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just pynch a tree in the face
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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