So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
