This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
