dude i'm inner monologue high
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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