Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
