The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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