Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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