he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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