i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
