Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
