Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
