He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
