Can i not drive my cunt home
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I forgot wine drunk hurts
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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